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Is it possible for me to have a healthy sex-life if the only thing that arouses me is brutal rape fantasies? Is it possible for me to have a healthy sex-life if the only thing that arouses me is brutal rape fantasies?
I'm still a 29 year old virgin. Consent is just a huge turn-off for me. I feel no arousal from fantasies of cuddling or making "love". "Normal" porn barely gives me a woody. I want the girl to feel hurt, used, abused, humiliated, brokened.
BDSM may seem to be a solution. But the very things that make it bdsm make it a huge turn-off for me. The idea of taking advantage of a drunk college freshman girl and waking up to her feeling used, is more of a turn-on than bdsm spankings and whippings. Non-violent "grey" area consent where the girl feels humiliated and used the day after is far more of a turn on to me than "violent" bdsm.
Don't get the idea that I'm a misogynist that hates women. My head and heart aren't. Its all in my groin. I don't control it. But humiliation, sadism, domination is what turns me on. I would never chose that. But it is what it is.
I have been arousing myself to rape fantasies since I was 4 years old if not younger. It is common for young boys to pleasure their genitals but then stop until puberty during the latency period. But I guess I never stopped. So I mean I've been into it my whole life. I mean it started with me arousing myself not to sex but to just the idea of pain and humiliation. Around 10 I got focused on the idea of girls being hurt and humiliated by being stripped to their underwear and it just got more violent and brutal from there.
My mom caught some of my rape porn in the 5th grade and said she never wanted to see it again, although she caught me a few more times later. I got in trouble in 6th grade for making this "plan" to sexually harass a girl and force her to show her boobs and having all the boys in the grade sign their names to the list to show they were in on the plan. My name was at the top. But I mean it was just an innocent guyish joke. I wasn't even in a class when I got caught. We were just laughing at it, and a teacher grabbed it from us. I got sent to the dean. I've gotten in trouble a few times in high school and college over stuff related to fantasies. But it never involved actually hurting anyone.
And so I take great pleasure in reading news stories about real rapes, and spend all day watching rape movies.
And then I found rape survivor forums, which was a great way for me to revel in the humiliations of REAL rape victims. It was heaven. I just love hearing how broken they are. I can't imagine what it would be like to hear rape victims speak in real life.
I admit I feel a little guilty about it since there are girls who I know as wonderful human beings, and yet in my mind I fantasize about doing such horrible things to hurt them. But just to be clear once more, it DOES NOT affect how I actually treat them.
I have no interest in BDSM, since the whole point for me is that the girl does not consent or enjoy it.
I get no arousal whatsoever from normal consensual porn. Can you really blame me for that? I don't control what arouses me. And its not like I chose what to be turned on by at such a young age.
Just to be clear I have never actually hurt anyone and never would. Its all just fantasy. And even in my fantasies I don't like very extreme stuff like snuff or mutilation. My limits are torture and brutal beatings.
Do you think its immoral to use rape victim forums as erotic literature?
Is this a serious problem? I've never actually hurt anyone.
I mean is rape really the worst thing in the world? Does it deserve to be treated as bad as murder? I mean from evolutionary psychology you can see just how normal rape is in the animal world, and most of human history. Are animals and cavemen evil? So while I understand that we're at a time in history where its not ok to rape, when you realize just how recent it is in the eons of human and biological history, it seems natural that a lot of guys would still be turned on by rape.
I blame the internet, without it the only thing I would have is newspaper and hollywood. But there is just so much graphic material on the web. It throws oil onto the fire. I mean its just enriched and fueled and exploded my fantasies. I'm POSITIVE my fantasies would not be as extreme without the web. Its all the internets fault. | Your question was a bit long. Honestly, I think it is just a fantasy, being violent and reading violence on literotica are two different things. If you could honestly hurt/rape someone, if you feel like you have the potential to hurt someone, please get yourself some help.
Your question would of sufficed at a paragraph, which leads me to believe you wanted to upset people by graphically digressing into what turns you on. That's all fine and dandy, but it's what you do that matters. Taking delight in other people's pain on a forum, that upsets me, because I've used some of those forums myself, and I'm not trying to judge you, I'm just saying you shouldn't divulge that much of your sexual fantasies.
Bottom line, If they are fantasies, that's fine, if you ever act on them...You are sick, and you need mental counseling. | Is there anyway for me to have a healthy sex life if the only thing that turns me on is nonconsensual sex? Is there anyway for me to have a healthy sex life if the only thing that turns me on is nonconsensual sex
I'm a 29 year old virgin. The thing is love and sex are totally separate for me. So I might sometimes fantasize about kissing and cuddling, but for me thats entirely separate from sex and leads no where. For me to be aroused the sex has to be painful, humiliating, degrading, abusive, and soul-crushing for the girl. There have been a few girls through my life, that I had feelings for and actually cared about. But what happens is no matter how hot they are, once I actually care about them, I can only fantasize about cuddling mooshy stuff, and the crush becomes totally de-sexualized. But they become so de-sexed I basically lose interest in them. This has only happened to 1 or 2 girls. Every other attractive girl I have ever met, even if I kinda like them, I still fantasize about brutally raping.
I have been arousing myself to rape fantasies since I was 4 years old if not younger. It is common for young boys to pleasure their genitals but then stop until puberty during the latency period. But I guess I never stopped. So I mean I've been into it my whole life. I mean it started with me arousing myself not to sex but to just the idea of pain and humiliation. Around 10 I got focused on the idea of girls being hurt and humiliated by being stripped to their underwear and it just got more violent and brutal from there.
My mom caught some of my rape porn in the 5th grade and said she never wanted to see it again, although she caught me a few more times later. I got in trouble in 6th grade for making this "plan" to sexually harass a girl and force her to show her boobs and having all the boys in the grade sign their names to the list to show they were in on the plan. My name was at the top. But I mean it was just an innocent guyish joke. I wasn't even in a class when I got caught. We were just laughing at it, and a teacher grabbed it from us. I got sent to the dean. I've gotten in trouble a few times in high school and college over stuff related to fantasies. But it never involved actually hurting anyone.
And so I take great pleasure in reading news stories about real rapes, and spend all day watching rape movies.
And then I found rape survivor forums, which was a great way for me to revel in the humiliations of REAL rape victims. It was heaven. I just love hearing how broken they are. I can't imagine what it would be like to hear rape victims speak in real life.
I'm not bad to the girls I actually know.Its not that I don't have empathy. Its precisely because I can see it from the girl's point of view that its such a turn on. But just to be clear my fantasies don't stop me from being a gentleman in real life.
I admit I feel a little guilty about it since there are girls who I know as wonderful human beings, and yet in my mind I fantasize about doing such horrible things to hurt them. But just to be clear once more, it DOES NOT affect how I actually treat them.
I have no interest in BDSM, since the whole point for me is that the girl does not consent or enjoy it. The very things that make it BDSM and not rape, turn me off. I'm not turned on by the girl feeling safe or getting mutual pleasure or having a safety word. I want her to fear terrified and unsafe. I want her to hate and despise me. And I don't want her feeling any pleasure.
I get no arousal whatsoever from normal consensual porn. Can you really blame me for that? I don't control what arouses me. And its not like I chose what to be turned on by at such a young age.
Just to be clear I have never actually hurt anyone and never would. Its all just fantasy. And even in my fantasies I don't like very extreme stuff like snuff or mutilation. My limits are torture and brutal beatings.
I mean is rape really the worst thing in the world? Does it deserve to be treated as bad as murder? I mean from evolutionary psychology you can see just how normal rape is in the animal world, and most of human history. Are animals and cavemen evil? So while I understand that we're at a time in history where its not ok to rape, when you realize just how recent it is in the eons of human and biological history, it seems natural that a lot of guys would still be turned on by rape.
I blame the internet, without it the only thing I would have is newspaper and hollywood. But there is just so much graphic material on the web. It throws oil onto the fire. I mean its just enriched and fueled and exploded my fantasies. Its all the internets fault. | You'll never have a truly "healthy" sex life.
Eventually you'll find a girl that's the exact same way you are. Or at least one who will enjoy revisiting past abuse. | What is the psychology that causes me to have rape fantasies, and is it stopping me from healthy relationships? What is the psychology that causes me to have rape fantasies, and is it stopping me from healthy relationships
Just to preface, I have nothing against women, and have never and would never act out on my desires. I would PREFER to be aroused by consensual sex, but consensual porn does not turn me on at all. I don't chose my desires.
I've had rape fantasies since I was 10 years old. Although in fact it goes even before Kindergarten when I used to rub myself against the floor fantasizing about others in pain and humiliation. These fantasies became sexual around puberty and turned into harcore rape fantasies.
So I'm just doing some introspection, and wondering what is the cause of this and what effect has it and will it have on my life.
I'm 28 years old and have never had sex or been on a date with a woman.
Its true that my "Sexual self" my genitals, seem to hate women. All that arouses me sexually is the idea of women in pain and suffering being hurt, degraded, tormented, humiliated, broken etc. I don't like extreme mutilation or anything that permanently "damages the merchanidise" but I don't mind brutal torture or a rough beating.
But it has ZERO impact on my actual interactions with women in real-life. If an attractive female I knew was raped, I'd feel sorry for her during the day, and jack off at night. And thats how I react to real rape in the news. I even pretend to be a victim at rape survivor forums.
The obvious solution may seem to be bdsm. But the very safety that makes it consentual is a turn off. Sexually I want the woman to be hurt. And I would be more turned on by a semi-consentual grey-area hook up that left the girl feeling used and taken advantage of the next day, then extreme bdsm with whips and chains, where the girl feels safe and is ok with it.
So to sum it up my basic question is 1. What causes me to have rape fantasies? and 2. Is it having a negative impact on my life and should I seek to somehow stop them? | It's really common for a guy to have rape fantasies. I don't have any hard research here, but based on my experience I'd guess that 30-40% of men fantasize about dominating, humiliating, or raping a woman; 5-10% of men fantasize about being dominated, humiliated or raped by a woman; and only maybe half of men want their sex to be entirely free of violence.
This stuff starts early, in guyhood. Hate to get all Freudian on you, but really, the vast majority of times it traces right back to your parents. Kids with authoritative fathers and meek mothers tend to develop dominant sexual traits; guys with strict mothers and meek fathers tend to develop submissive ones.
It can also go back to your earliest sexual experiences - experiences so early you didn't realize they were sexual and might not remember them at all. Maybe you pushed a girl down and saw her underwear when you were six years old - it might not have seemed like anything at the time, but it can really be the beginning of subtle rewiring of the brain. There are people who can trace their fetishes back to a specific incident that happened when they were a guy.
The fact that you have rape fantasies doesn't worry me, in and of itself. The fact that you have rape fantasies *and* you've never had sex or been on a date with a woman at age 28 is... disturbing.
Most guys with rape fantasies can compartmentalize: "This is what I like in my porn; this is what I like in my women." And that's no problem. But if you haven't even had a sexual experience with an actual woman... that's troubling.
Anyway, to answer your basic question #2: I don't think seeking to stop the fantasies is either possible or productive. What will have a negative impact on your life is if you rely entirely on them for sexual release and you don't get into a healthy relationship with a woman who you have every intention of loving and no intention of hurting. | Do you think it is immoral for a man to use rape survivor forums as a place for him to satisfy his fantasies? Do you think it is immoral for a man to use rape survivor forums as a place for him to satisfy his fantasies
I have been arousing myself to rape fantasies since I was 4 years old if not younger. It is common for young boys to pleasure their genitals but then stop until puberty during the latency period. But I guess I never stopped. So I mean I've been into it my whole life. I mean it started with me arousing myself not to sex but to just the idea of pain and humiliation. Around 10 I got focused on the idea of girls being hurt and humiliated by being stripped to their underwear and it just got more violent and brutal from there.
My mom caught some of my rape porn in the 5th grade and said she never wanted to see it again, although she caught me a few more times later. I got in trouble in 6th grade for making this "plan" to sexually harass a girl and force her to show her boobs and having all the boys in the grade sign their names to the list to show they were in on the plan. My name was at the top. But I mean it was just an innocent guyish joke. I wasn't even in a class when I got caught. We were just laughing at it, and a teacher grabbed it from us. I got sent to the dean. I've gotten in trouble a few times in high school and college over stuff related to fantasies. But it never involved actually hurting anyone.
And so I take great pleasure in reading news stories about real rapes, and spend all day watching rape movies.
And then I found rape survivor forums, which was a great way for me to revel in the humiliations of REAL rape victims. It was heaven. I just love hearing how broken they are. I can't imagine what it would be like to hear rape victims speak in real life.
I'm not bad to the girls I actually know. I mean I might try to humiliate or degrade them emotionally or verbally in real life, and then wait till I get home to think about the incident and escalate it in fantasy to physical abuse. Its not that I don't have empathy. Its precisely because I can see it from the girl's point of view that its such a turn on. But just to be clear my fantasies don't stop me from being a gentleman in real life.
I admit I feel a little guilty about it since there are girls who I know as wonderful human beings, and yet in my mind I fantasize about doing such horrible things to hurt them. But just to be clear once more, it DOES NOT affect how I actually treat them.
I have no interest in BDSM, since the whole point for me is that the girl does not consent or enjoy it.
Just to be clear I have never actually hurt anyone and never would. Its all just fantasy. And even in my fantasies I don't like very extreme stuff like snuff or mutilation. My limits are torture and brutal beatings.
Do you think its immoral to use rape victim forums as erotic literature?
Is this a serious problem? I've never actually hurt anyone.
I mean is rape really the worst thing in the world? Does it deserve to be treated as bad as murder? I mean from evolutionary psychology you can see just how normal rape is in the animal world, and most of human history. Are animals and cavemen evil? So while I understand that we're at a time in history where its not ok to rape, when you realize just how recent it is in the eons of human and biological history, it seems natural that a lot of guys would still be turned on by rape.
I blame the internet, without it the only thing I would have is newspaper and hollywood. But there is just so much graphic material on the web. It throws oil onto the fire. I mean its just enriched and fueled and exploded my fantasies. Its all the internets fault. | You honestly made my jaw drop, thank goodness I am no where close to you or I would have slapped the taste right out of your mouth. However having these fantasies is not healthy and could lead to you acting them out in RL. Rape is wrong period, it was wrong long ago and still is. Back in the old days however women were not really considered people but more sex toys and servants for men. I suggest you seek help from a therapist.
@Joe: Of course rape is severe, how would you feel if your GF or mother or sister was raped? Rape is just as bad as murder because it does often involve physical injuries and mental distress. | If a man pretends to be a victim at a rape survivor forum in order to satisfy fantasies is he harming anyone? If a man pretends to be a victim at a rape survivor forum in order to satisfy fantasies is he harming anyone
I know how controversial this all is. Let me just say that what arouses me is purely biological, and I have no control over it. These sexual desires in no way affects how I view and treat women in real life. In my head and heart I have nothing by love for women and sympathy for those who have been hurt. It is my lower organ that take pleasure in it. I'm being completely honest in everything I say, and I ask for your understanding please.
I have been arousing myself to rape fantasies since I was 4 years old if not younger. It is common for young boys to pleasure their genitals but then stop until puberty during the latency period. But I guess I never stopped. So I mean I've been into it my whole life. I mean it started with me arousing myself not to sex but to just the idea of pain and humiliation. Around 10 I got focused on the idea of girls being hurt and humiliated by being stripped to their underwear and it just got more violent and brutal from there.
My mom caught some of my rape porn in the 5th grade and said she never wanted to see it again, although she caught me a few more times later. I got in trouble in 6th grade for making this "plan" to sexually harass a girl and force her to show her boobs and having all the boys in the grade sign their names to the list to show they were in on the plan. My name was at the top. But I mean it was just an innocent guyish joke. I wasn't even in a class when I got caught. We were just laughing at it, and a teacher grabbed it from us. I got sent to the dean. I've gotten in trouble a few times in high school and college over stuff related to fantasies. But it never involved actually hurting anyone.
And so I take great pleasure in reading news stories about real rapes, and spend all day watching rape movies.
And then I found rape survivor forums, which was a great way for me to revel in the humiliations of REAL rape victims. It was heaven. I just love hearing how broken they are. I can't imagine what it would be like to hear rape victims speak in real life.
I'm not bad to the girls I actually know. I mean I might try to humiliate or degrade them emotionally or verbally in real life, and then wait till I get home to think about the incident and escalate it in fantasy to physical abuse. Its not that I don't have empathy. Its precisely because I can see it from the girl's point of view that its such a turn on. But just to be clear my fantasies don't stop me from being a gentleman in real life.
I admit I feel a little guilty about it since there are girls who I know as wonderful human beings, and yet in my mind I fantasize about doing such horrible things to hurt them. But just to be clear once more, it DOES NOT affect how I actually treat them.
I have no interest in BDSM, since the whole point for me is that the girl does not consent or enjoy it.
I get no arousal whatsoever from normal consensual porn. Can you really blame me for that? I don't control what arouses me. And its not like I chose what to be turned on by at such a young age.
Just to be clear I have never actually hurt anyone and never would. Its all just fantasy. And even in my fantasies I don't like very extreme stuff like snuff or mutilation. My limits are torture and brutal beatings.
Do you think its immoral to use rape victim forums as erotic literature?
Is this a serious problem? I've never actually hurt anyone.
I mean is rape really the worst thing in the world? Does it deserve to be treated as bad as murder? I mean from evolutionary psychology you can see just how normal rape is in the animal world, and most of human history. Are animals and cavemen evil? So while I understand that we're at a time in history where its not ok to rape, when you realize just how recent it is in the eons of human and biological history, it seems natural that a lot of guys would still be turned on by rape.
I blame the internet, without it the only thing I would have is newspaper and hollywood. But there is just so much graphic material on the web. It throws oil onto the fire. I mean its just enriched and fueled and exploded my fantasies. Its all the internets fault. | Yes. Here's why. They come to that forum for advice and support from real rape survivors, which you are not. You may think you're doing a good job fitting in, but it's very likely that you sometimes say things that are at least ever so slightly "off", and make them feel uncomfortable.
If you only read and never posted, that would be distasteful, but harmless. But actually participating in any discussion there under false pretenses is not harmless. | My wife is obsessed with rape fantasy roleplay? Shes 21 and we have been married a year and shes obsessed with rape fantasy sex. Im not into it at all and shes asked me to do it. We use handcuffs and ball gags and small whips now but she said thats not enough anymore. She wants me to jerk her around by her hair, slap her in the face, choke her and throw her around and call her names and I think it would be abuse and wrong. I saw rape fantasy porn sites on the computer that she saved on there and I dont know how to deal with her fantasy. Shes always been kinky and shes taken it to another level. Its not just rough sex like people think... the porn she has is all brutal abusive rape role playing with the girl reduced to crying and bruises and the whole nine yards. Heavy Bdsm stuff. What should I do? | You're entitled to your feelings and preferences, but you're married to her so it's your job (and hers!) to make this work somehow. That doesn't necessarily mean doing everything she asks you to. Maybe you could do some of it, though, and she could do things the way you like without all the BDSM stuff sometimes. It goes both ways. It may involve marriage counseling to try to find a compromise if you can't get there on your own.
Other scattered thoughts:
If you can do some of what she asks for some of the time, get the maximum milage out of it. Sometimes even having done something once and/or saying that you might do it in the future is enough. You don't have to do it every time, just mention it or remind her somehow. Even just letting her talk about her fantasy without freaking out is worth something, even if you never do it.
I wouldn't agree that it's abuse. I'm not saying you have to feel comfortable doing it or like it or feel obliged to do it, but abuse is stuff that tears someone down and destroys them emotionally. In a consensual situation, where she knows you don't really think she's <insert random dirty insult here>, and where she knows there are limits to what you'll do and she can stop it if she wants to, it's a whole different headspace. It wouldn't make her afraid of you. It wouldn't damage her self-esteem. She would be just fine. People do all kinds of recreational things that routinely cause bruises or other minor damage, or even come with a risk of major injury. Nobody would bat an eyelash if you guys went out and played paintball and you tagged her a few times and left marks, for instance. People can get in a tizzy if you do it with your hand, though, which is a practical reason for not leaving marks where they will show if you ever decide to humour her in this respect.
You can actually slap someone in the face pretty hard without leaving marks, FYI. But you may not even have to hit hard at all to push that button. It may be more the symbolic act of taking liberties with her that she's after. Similarly, if she wants you to choke her, just putting your hands around her neck and making it a little more work to breathe for a couple seconds may do the trick - letting her know you *could* choke her, though you won't and you both know that. Or just holding onto her hair, even if you don't really pull it much, may do something for her. (Think about it - watching videos is entirely painless, but it must turn her on, or she wouldn't bother. Therefore, there may be other ways to play with her fantasy that don't involve really hurting her.) | How do I convince my friend to stop using rape victim forums as entertainment for his rape fantasies My frien? How do I convince my friend to stop using rape victim forums as entertainment for his rape fantasies
My friend says he can only be aroused by rape and enjoys going into rape survivor forums to arouse himself
Is it true that most men would rape if they could get away with it? What nonmoral reasons for men not to rape?
I have a friend Bob. He says that humanity is basically cruel, selfish and sadistic and our only pleasure comes from inflicting pain on others. Morality is only imposed at the point of the gun because people are afraid of being victims. He says that there is no rational reason to accept any morality whatsoever.
Hes not into bdsm or anything and says he only gets pleasure out of hurting unwilling women. He cant get aroused if the women is willing.
He hates the idea of "rights" and says human beings have as much rights as rocks or trees. He constantly watches rape porn. He says he would never actually hurt anyone but only because the state and society are so powerful that its impossible to get away with anything.
Hes pretty brutal on the girls he dates, but he gets more than me.
Bob says he just part of the individualist society we live in, and individualism is built on inflicting pain on others for pleasure. He says even if sadism wasn't pleasurable we'd have a duty in an individualist system to commit evil for evil's sake. Bob isn't an evil man he just feels that in the social darwinist world we live in, we have a duty to inflict as much pain and suffering as possible,
The "golden rule" doesn't work on him since he says him raping doesn't cause other people to rape. And anyway he doesn't care about his family.
Statistics show that most men would rape if they had 100% chance of getting away with it, and unlike Bob the majority of those men are probably religious or at least consider themselves ethical.
So honestly I have a hard time arguing against Bob that men shouldn't rape if they have a 100% chance of getting away with it.
How would committing an evil act directly affect the perpetrator assuming he gets away with it?
What are some arguments I can use against him? | | Setting aside my suspicion that this post is not entirely genuine, the person described suffers from Antisocial Personality Disorder. There is little point in arguing with him. Effort should be focused on protecting those he is out to harm. | Is it true that most men would rape if they could get away with it? What nonmoral reasons for men not to rape? Is it true that most men would rape if they could get away with it? What nonmoral reasons for men not to rape?
I have a friend Bob. He says that humanity is basically cruel, selfish and sadistic and our only pleasure comes from inflicting pain on others. Morality is only imposed at the point of the gun because people are afraid of being victims. He says that there is no rational reason to accept any morality whatsoever.
Hes not into bdsm or anything and says he only gets pleasure out of hurting unwilling women. He cant get aroused if the women is willing.
He hates the idea of "rights" and says human beings have as much rights as rocks or trees. He constantly watches rape porn. He says he would never actually hurt anyone but only because the state and society are so powerful that its impossible to get away with anything.
Hes pretty brutal on the girls he dates, but he gets more than me.
Bob says he just part of the individualist society we live in, and individualism is built on inflicting pain on others for pleasure. He says even if sadism wasn't pleasurable we'd have a duty in an individualist system to commit evil for evil's sake. Bob isn't an evil man he just feels that in the social darwinist world we live in, we have a duty to inflict as much pain and suffering as possible,
The "golden rule" doesn't work on him since he says him raping doesn't cause other people to rape. And anyway he doesn't care about his family.
Statistics show that most men would rape if they had 100% chance of getting away with it, and unlike Bob the majority of those men are probably religious or at least consider themselves ethical.
So honestly I have a hard time arguing against Bob that men shouldn't rape if they have a 100% chance of getting away with it.
How would committing an evil act directly affect the perpetrator assuming he gets away with it?
What are some arguments I can use against him? | | If someone commits rape and gets away with it, they'll probably start committing other crimes. They'll eventually get caught and sent to prison, where someone else will rape them and get away with it. | How do I convince my friend to stop using rape victim forums as entertainment for his rape fantasies? How do I convince my friend to stop using rape victim forums as entertainment for his rape fantasies
My friend says he can only be aroused by rape and enjoys going into rape survivor forums to arouse himself
Is it true that most men would rape if they could get away with it? What nonmoral reasons for men not to rape?
I have a friend Bob. He says that humanity is basically cruel, selfish and sadistic and our only pleasure comes from inflicting pain on others. Morality is only imposed at the point of the gun because people are afraid of being victims. He says that there is no rational reason to accept any morality whatsoever.
Hes not into bdsm or anything and says he only gets pleasure out of hurting unwilling women. He cant get aroused if the women is willing.
He hates the idea of "rights" and says human beings have as much rights as rocks or trees. He constantly watches rape porn. He says he would never actually hurt anyone but only because the state and society are so powerful that its impossible to get away with anything.
Hes pretty brutal on the girls he dates, but he gets more than me.
Bob says he just part of the individualist society we live in, and individualism is built on inflicting pain on others for pleasure. He says even if sadism wasn't pleasurable we'd have a duty in an individualist system to commit evil for evil's sake. Bob isn't an evil man he just feels that in the social darwinist world we live in, we have a duty to inflict as much pain and suffering as possible,
The "golden rule" doesn't work on him since he says him raping doesn't cause other people to rape. And anyway he doesn't care about his family.
Statistics show that most men would rape if they had 100% chance of getting away with it, and unlike Bob the majority of those men are probably religious or at least consider themselves ethical.
So honestly I have a hard time arguing against Bob that men shouldn't rape if they have a 100% chance of getting away with it.
How would committing an evil act directly affect the perpetrator assuming he gets away with it?
What are some arguments I can use against him? | | First of all it sounds like your friend Bob is a sociopath, and eventually the rape forums won't satisfy him, he will eventually move up to actually attacking women. You need to get someone else involved, because it sounds like he has the potential to be dangerous. If he is a sociopath, there are not adverse reasons for him not to commit crimes, because they don't have a conscience. That's what keeps most people from committing crimes, an internal locus of control. If he doesn't have that unfortunately all you can do is assure him that he WOULD BE CAUGHT because of the sophisitcation of todays investigative tools. Tell him also that it is inappropriate for him to be on those web site and that he can get in trouble for being there under the federal stalking regulations. | Is it possible for me to have a healthy sex-life if the only thing that arouses me is brutal rape fantasies? Is it possible for me to have a healthy sex-life if the only thing that arouses me is brutal rape fantasies?
I'm still a 29 year old virgin. Consent is just a huge turn-off for me. I feel no arousal from fantasies of cuddling or making "love". "Normal" porn barely gives me a woody. I want the girl to feel hurt, used, abused, humiliated, brokened.
BDSM may seem to be a solution. But the very things that make it bdsm make it a huge turn-off for me. The idea of taking advantage of a drunk college freshman girl and waking up to her feeling used, is more of a turn-on than bdsm spankings and whippings. Non-violent "grey" area consent where the girl feels humiliated and used the day after is far more of a turn on to me than "violent" bdsm.
Don't get the idea that I'm a misogynist that hates women. My head and heart aren't. Its all in my groin. I don't control it. But humiliation, sadism, domination is what turns me on. I would never chose that. But it is what it is.
I have been arousing myself to rape fantasies since I was 4 years old if not younger. It is common for young boys to pleasure their genitals but then stop until puberty during the latency period. But I guess I never stopped. So I mean I've been into it my whole life. I mean it started with me arousing myself not to sex but to just the idea of pain and humiliation. Around 10 I got focused on the idea of girls being hurt and humiliated by being stripped to their underwear and it just got more violent and brutal from there.
My mom caught some of my rape porn in the 5th grade and said she never wanted to see it again, although she caught me a few more times later. I got in trouble in 6th grade for making this "plan" to sexually harass a girl and force her to show her boobs and having all the boys in the grade sign their names to the list to show they were in on the plan. My name was at the top. But I mean it was just an innocent guyish joke. I wasn't even in a class when I got caught. We were just laughing at it, and a teacher grabbed it from us. I got sent to the dean. I've gotten in trouble a few times in high school and college over stuff related to fantasies. But it never involved actually hurting anyone.
And so I take great pleasure in reading news stories about real rapes, and spend all day watching rape movies.
And then I found rape survivor forums, which was a great way for me to revel in the humiliations of REAL rape victims. It was heaven. I just love hearing how broken they are. I can't imagine what it would be like to hear rape victims speak in real life.
I admit I feel a little guilty about it since there are girls who I know as wonderful human beings, and yet in my mind I fantasize about doing such horrible things to hurt them. But just to be clear once more, it DOES NOT affect how I actually treat them.
I have no interest in BDSM, since the whole point for me is that the girl does not consent or enjoy it.
I get no arousal whatsoever from normal consensual porn. Can you really blame me for that? I don't control what arouses me. And its not like I chose what to be turned on by at such a young age.
Just to be clear I have never actually hurt anyone and never would. Its all just fantasy. And even in my fantasies I don't like very extreme stuff like snuff or mutilation. My limits are torture and brutal beatings.
Do you think its immoral to use rape victim forums as erotic literature?
Is this a serious problem? I've never actually hurt anyone.
I mean is rape really the worst thing in the world? Does it deserve to be treated as bad as murder? I mean from evolutionary psychology you can see just how normal rape is in the animal world, and most of human history. Are animals and cavemen evil? So while I understand that we're at a time in history where its not ok to rape, when you realize just how recent it is in the eons of human and biological history, it seems natural that a lot of guys would still be turned on by rape.
I blame the internet, without it the only thing I would have is newspaper and hollywood. But there is just so much graphic material on the web. It throws oil onto the fire. I mean its just enriched and fueled and exploded my fantasies. I'm POSITIVE my fantasies would not be as extreme without the web. Its all the internets fault. | What you describe is not BDSM, which is a variety of CONSENSUAL activities between competent adults. Studying and practicing (as needed) to avoid causing lasting harm is perhaps one of the hallmarks of a real BDSM top or dominant. Getting real and informed consent, not breaking a bottom's limit, not harming a bottom even if consenting or appearing to consent, are others.
Please get help. You likely CAN find some consentual activities which satisfy you - if you want to. This is not the Internet's choice, this is yours.
Saying evolutionary psychology breeds humans to be rapists is nonsense - most breeding has been by non-rape, and selection of non-rapist mates, nor is rape more likely to impregnate than is consensual sex - which is more frequent, and thus evolutionarily rewarded, and thus if ANYTHING is bred into the species, it's cooperative sex. |
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